TSA wants to see you naked. Or feel you up.

A dramatic statement, I realize.  And not one that I take lightly.  I’ve always hated the ham-fisted, Keystone Cops tactics of the TSA, but their actions in recent weeks have upped the ante for travelers to a simple choice: a strip search or a sexual assault.  Hyperbole?  Read on and be the judge.

I assume by now we all know about TSA’s new scanners that show your detailed, naked image to a pervert in a booth screener.  I’ll get into details of why I hate these things later, but suffice it to say that I think a strip search without cause is completely unconstitutional, to the point that it’s basically the TSA taking a piss on the fourth amendment.  Travelers do have the right to decline to be scanned if they are selected, but must undergo a secondary search with a patdown instead.  Until now this has been an unpleasant but generally acceptable trade off.  When these scanners first appeared I made the decision that I would never subject myself to one.  At least not without some singles being tucked in my belt on the way through.

Thanks to some great investigative reporting by the Boston Herald, it came to light over the weekend that TSA is field testing a new patdown method to use on those of us who exercise our right to decline their strip search.  The standard procedure now is for the screener to use the back of his hand and avoid contact with sensitive areas.  This revised patdown, currently being tested at the Boston and Las Vegas airports, has screeners performing a complete body grope using the front of their hands, including detailed touching of the genitals.

The obvious rationale is that TSA wants to make the alternative to the scanners so unpleasant that no one will opt-out.  Despite numerous public statements to the contrary, their endgame is to make a strip search the primary method of screening for all travelers.  This new policy and the purchase of hundreds of new scanners make that a fairly obvious conclusion.

Needless to say this is a bridge too far.  Since 9/11 the American traveling public has shown a frightening propensity to accept restrictions that do very little to promote security.  We have suffered the indignities of loudmouthed, condescending TSA employees, trekked shoeless on filthy floors and quietly accepted ludicrous limits on our liquids.  You really only have to ask one question: how many terrorists has the TSA intercepted?  The answer is none.  Not a single terrorist after eight years and nearly a hundred billion dollars.  And yet this arrogant, unaccountable organization continues to impose liberty-eroding dictates on us.  And we continue to accept them, put our heads down, and acquiesce to their demands.  No more.  The line must be drawn somewhere, and right here looks pretty damn good to me.

Aren’t you tired of being treated like a prisoner at Guantanamo Bay every time you board an airplane?  It’s time to start telling these power-hungry authoritarians NO and time to fight to bring back sanity to our airports.  Write your congressman, complain every time TSA crosses the line, and most importantly tell them NO on the naked scanners and sexual assaults.

I will continue to decline the scanner, and will decline this new patdown procedure if it is rolled out nationwide.  I encourage you to do the same, even if it means being grounded until this repulsive policy is repealed.  And if you’re okay with the scans, you might want to work on those abs.